Tom Hanks is often referred to as the nicest man in Hollywood. He's essentially America's husband and no one dares speak ill of him. His sparkly clean image and wholesome family movies have made him someone Americans (and the world) hold near and dear to their ever-so-fragile hearts. It's pretty much socially acceptable to have a picture of Tom Hanks framed on your end table at this point. For all we know, it may be a requirement in some places. He's is just that worthy.
So, how could anyone possibly hate Tom Hanks? It's not a question you've ever considered, let alone dared to ask aloud. But.. is that a thing? Is it even possible? Just letting the words "hate" and "Tom Hanks" slip from your lips feels like a sin.
But be honest with yourself. You f*cking hate his guts. Maybe you're part of the rare minority that harbors a searing spite for the voice of an animated cowboy. Your feelings shouldn't go unacknowledged. Even though it seems like there's no logical reason for the average person to actively and passionately hate the man behind Forrest Gump, the haters are out there. They are actively rooting for Hanks to fail. If you're one of them, you are not alone. All this time, you've felt so isolated.
Can Tom possibly as perfect and awesome as he's duped the world into thinking he is? Hanks has been relatively good at dodging controversy. There have been a few soundbites that caused some drama, but for the most part, Hanks is pure as can be. But those within the industry, those who have actually met Hanks, know him much better. And believe it or not, there are some (albeit few) who secretly hate Hanks.
Who are they? The silent minority. How do we know for certain that they hate Hanks the way you do? Well, there's no true way to tell, but there have been some heavy indicators. The famous people on this list have every reason to dislike Hanks. Maybe he slighted them, maybe he said something a little inflammatory. Either way, these celebrities don't particularly enjoy Hanks's seat on the Hollywood throne. In fact, they are doing everything in their power to overthrow the King of Husbands. Here are the celebrities who don't like Tom Hanks.
Brave Celebrities Who Dare to Hate Tom Hanks,
Amy Poehler
Believe it or not, Hanks and Amy Poehler had a brief romance in the '80s, way before the actor settled down with his wife, Rita. And it looks like the relationship didn't end well. When Poehler hosted the Golden Globes, the comedian made a slight at Hanks by pronouncing his name wrong. She called him Tam Honks and gave some major side eye. Hanks was visibly confused, shrugging and mouthing "really?" from the audience.
Although it seemed like a joke at the time, it was far from a joke to Poehler, who harbors loads of resentment over the feud. Asked about the incident, Hanks had this to say: "I haven’t spoken to Amy since we broke up in the ‘80s. We shared a small apartment in Eagle Rock for about six months. Before I met Rita, of course. Amy didn’t like my dog, and she stole some of my good records when she moved out (without so much as a goodbye). I’m happy for her success, but would not walk across the street to say hello to May Epolher, as I know her."
Hanks's slap back hit hard. But honestly, Amy's the one who really came out on top in the end. She got to escape living in Eagle Rock, swiped a few solid vinyls, and never had to bear the responsibility of parenting Chet Haze.
Bill O'Reilly
There's been little to critique Tom Hanks for throughout his career. His image has been suspiciously squeaky clean for as long as Forrest Gump was able to jog (which was also suspiciously long, if you think about it). But just like Gump's trek across the US, Hanks's sparkling personality mirage had to come to a end eventually.
Footage of Hanks emceeing a school fundraiser from 2004 leaked online a few years ago. And if it weren't for the fellow parent who donned the stage in blackface, nobody would have cared about Hanks's charitable work. In fact, they probably would have applauded him. But not this time. Hanks was exposed as an acquaintance to a racist adult, and people weren't ready to forgive and forget just yet.
Adding fuel to the fame, the video features Hanks taking a jab at Bill O'Reilly, who was in attendance at the fundraiser. "Who would have thought that Bill O’Reilly would join us?” Hanks joked, insinuating that O'Reilly is a racist. Way to try and pass the blame to the next racist in the room, Hanks. But O'Reilly wasn't having it. I mean, for once in his life, the conservative pundit WASN'T the one associated with a guy in blackface. Mortified, Hanks issued a public apology. “I used Bill O’Reilly as the punch line of an uncomfortable joke that was hardly funny and [was] unfair,” he said. “I have no reason to think Mr. O’Reilly would have found both the reason for the joke nor my use of it funny in any way.” O'Reilly forgave Hanks, but only because he probably said something equally racist the following week.
Donald Trump
Tom Hanks won't be voting for Trump. And Trump won't be voting for Tom Hanks for Best Actor once he institutes his totalitarian takeover in 2017. Trump likely wasn't too happy with Hanks's choice of words when pressed about his potential presidency. "I think that man will be president right about the time when spaceships come down filled with dinosaurs in red capes," Hanks sneered. "Here's the problem: America's already great, so I don't know what he is talking about."
Trump got a taste of his own medicine from America's husband, and it was most definitely served cold. When Trump becomes Supreme Leader, rest assured that Hanks will be the first one ripped from his slumber, driven to an undetermined location, and dropped into a hand-dug moat filled with poisonous snakes.
Henry Winkler
Henry Winkler and Tom Hanks's beef started on the set of Turner & Hooch. The Fonz, who actually fought Hanks in character for an episode of Happy Days, was set to direct the film. I bet he wishes that ass whooping had been the real deal, because Hanks later shiested the Fonz. Bad.
Apparently, the two didn't get along very well, and Hanks ordered Winkler off set. Like, he just did that? He told someone that Winkler was kind of annoying and sucked, and they ripped his director's contract up right in his f*cking face? Only someone as powerful as Hanks could order such an execution. Winkler was ultimately dropped from the project, which he should honestly consider a blessing because no one even liked that movie. Winkler denied he hates Hanks, but let's be real: there's no coming back from that kind of drama.
Howard Stern
Maybe Howard Stern doesn't hate Tom Hanks directly, but he sure has it out for his embarrassment of a son. After Stern made his run of the mill inappropriate jokes, he directed his piercing words at Chet Haze Hanks. (His rap name, yes rap name, is Haze.) Stern made light of Haze's long list of f*ck ups, including his use of racial slurs and his DUI.
Haze didn't quite appreciate that and threatened to kill Stern on Twitter. "Do you have any idea how badly I am going to assault you when I see you… You can't run from me forever knock knees," he wrote online. "One day, maybe tomorrow, maybe 10 years from now, I am going to see you in person, and I am going to hurt you," he wrote. "I hope you travel with security!!! PLEASE have me on the show… I'll sh*t on you and your yuppie sidekicks on your own show… it’s a shame you don’t hang in the same circles as my family (not enough bread for that) cuz if you did I woulda already seen u."
Howard probably isn't too happy with Hanks's parenting skills. And who else is to blame for Haze's abrasive threats and tone deaf understanding of the Internet than Tom Hanks, his own FATHER. Children are only are good as the parents who raised them, right?
Karl Rove
Former advisor to the Bush administration and current conservative political pundit Karl Rove isn't doing himself any favors by coming for Hanks. After Hanks made some politically poignant comments comparing the treatment of the Japanese in WWII to the Iraq War, he had Rove fuming (on live television).
Discussing his HBO series The Pacific, Hanks said: "The Pacific is coming out now, where it represents a war that was of racism and terror. And where it seemed as though the only way to complete one of these battles on one of these small specks of rock in the middle of nowhere was to - I'm sorry - kill them all. And, um, does that sound familiar to what we might be going through today? So it's-- is there anything new under the sun? It seems as if history keeps repeating itself."
Rove was jonesing to get in on the action so he took to the closest media outlet to decry Hanks. Hanks is "a wonderful actor, he's a superb director, he's a good storyteller, but he's a conventional Hollywood liberal… He receives his opinions in whatever they drink or smoke or eat out there in southern California in the acting community," Rove shrieked. No word on where Rove gets his opinions, but it's somewhere dark and dreary for certain.
Ricky Gervais
When Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes back in 2011, many celebrities in attendance felt the comedian's jokes took a nasty turn. I mean, it's not like anyone really wanted Gervais to host the Globes. He was just the only one around. Hanks, visibly confused about why the board hadn't asked him to host, agreed with the majority and took the opportunity to gripe about the matter when he got onstage. Alongside his Toy Story co-star (and potential mortal enemy?) Tim Allen, Hanks said, "We recall when Ricky Gervais was a slightly chubby and kindly comedian." "Neither of which he is now," Allen backed up. Gervais gave an eye roll, but we all know he was feeling the burn.
Sarah Jessica Parker
Sarah Jessica Parker tried to blow out the fire on this one, but I'm not buying it. She got caught red-handed as a Tom Hanks hater and she needs to own up to her eye rolls. After a Vine of Tom Hanks and SJP at a New York Rangers game went viral, media began to speculate that Parker had issue with America's favorite actor.
In the clip, Parker can be seen eavesdropping on one of Hanks's highbrow, yet relatable conversations. It's in this moment that SJP let slip her darkest secret: she hates Hanks. SJP gave him just about the most disgusted look a human being could muster for a man who once played a child trapped in an adult's body. The Sex and the City actress attempted to clear things up after the video circulated by claiming the two were joking. Maybe she's just afraid of what people will think if they find out she's one of the .01% of people who despise Tom Hanks.
Tim Allen
Woody and Buzz may have butted their plastic heads in the first Toy Story, but who would have thought that there was some real life jealousy occurring behind voice overs that were likely scheduled on different days? In a sit down for the Tonight Show, Tim Allen, the voice of Buzz, explained why he envies his fellow animated costar. "My whole life is this: ‘Come on Woody, watch out Woody, Woody, Woody come on Woody.’ Tom Hanks goes on and on, lot of Academy Awards," he said.
Tim Allen, who has received zero Oscars, is understandably enraged. He voiced further frustrations over his lack of quality lines in the series about inanimate playthings. But all bad blood aside, Allen promised to return to the big screen as Buzz for Toy Story 4. Likely for a pay check. Deep down he hopes that this will finally be the film where Buzz gets his long-awaited revenge and executes Woody guillotine-style. A astronaut toy can dream.
Chet Hanks
How could Tom Hanks's own son hate him so? Well, judging by the way Chet Haze constantly rebels against his perfect, all American family, there's got to be some sort of resentment going on. Haze is in the running for douchiest celebrity child, and he's doing a pretty good job if you ask me. Aside from his constant outbursts on Twitter, his terrible use of the n-word, and his various DUIs and car crashes, Hanks's son is just an all around d-bag.
How anyone could act out against such an all-powerful father like Tom Hanks is beyond me. Hanks's mind control must not work on his own kin. And although Haze hasn't vocally sh*t on his own dad yet, there seem to be some major familial issues between them. But blabbing about your famous father gets you cut from the will, so Haze remains quiet for now, waiting for the the true uprising to begin.